To celebrate or to dread?
For some of you holiday season may look festive, merry, exciting and something to look forward to; but for some, it’s terrifying, depressing and something you don’t look forward to.
Some people feel anxious and depressed during this month of festive season. Why? Possibilities are:
Trauma of past bad experience during the family gathering. For example, that one person who always comments on your weight or how you look or pressuring you about getting married and the list goes on. Well some of us might not get affected by those comments, but for people battling with eating disorder, anxiety and depression, or other mental health that involves anxiety and depression, these topics can be a trigger and unpleasant to deal with. Being kind to others involves keeping out of other people’s business. If you have a good intention, others may not find it that way. Sensitive topics are best to be kept within yourself as you may not know what other people is going through.
Loneliness. If you have a unique family dynamic where everyone is just connected on a surface level, no matter the crowd, you can feel lonely. You may not see the quality of the gathering during this festive season, but instead you feel angry and sad. Anger and sadness often time come from the loneliness you feel due to the lack of attachment and intimate relationship within the family. Also, when you haven’t got the time to really build an intimate relationship with yourself, (aka denying a lot about who you are and who you want to be) can also lead to loneliness.
Festive Season associated with bad memories, such as the end of relationship or losing someone for good. Grief can affect someone in different ways. Some may sail smoothly along the stages of grief. Some may dwell on one stage and not ready to move forward with the grief.
How do you tackle those anxiety?
Stop making assumptions on what is going to happen. Fortune telling is one of the cognitive distortions that leads to anxiety and depression. Focus on here and now and stop catastrophising the outcome. Don’t let your thoughts spiral down until it makes you feel depressed and anxious.
Challenge your expectation on “ideal” family gathering. Every family is unique and has a beauty within. Embrace the flaws and accept them. Change from within, then you’ll see a change in the family dynamic like a pebble effect. Challenge the way you think about yourself within the family and change those distorted thoughts into positives.
Be kind and gentle to yourself. It is ok to feel what you feel. Do not try to suppress your feelings as they often burst when you force to suppress them like a soda trapped in a tightly sealed bottle. Embrace the feeling, feel it and deal with it. Accept it and be ok with it. Forming a healthy relationship with yourself is a start to control the anxiety.
This holiday season, let us give a gift of sharing and kindness. Remember that you are not alone and help is always available when you need it. Talk to a professional may loosen up the tension from within and decrease the anxiety level. Let’s talk about you.
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