Most people perceive getting a professional counselling is the same as ‘Curhat’ to your friend or family. However, it’s not exactly the same. So, what are the differences?
First, both counselling and curhat can be therapeutic because they provide us with something we need and they move us from one emotional state to another. However, therapist and family or close friends have a very different roles.
Friends and family:
Our friend or family member has an intimate knowledge of us, which will help them understand us in the context of the relationship we have with them. They will be thinking in terms of what they know about us and will have an opinion based on how we usually cope with life. Therefore, they will probably:
Take sides: It is common for people to take sides. This is based on what they know about us.
Divert the conversation: They might find the topic we need to talk about uncomfortable to explore and will want to divert the conversation to something easier.
Distract us: Our friends and family may want to distract us to cheer us up.
Compare our stories with others: They might come up with the solution to our problem using examples from other people who have been through the similar situation.
Give advise: If we are going through a tough time, they might give suggestions on how and what they might do in the similar situation.
Give us physical comfort: Sometimes, we just need a good hug from someone we trust and feel close to.
Of course, most of the time all of this is exactly what we are looking for and these actions might even bring us closer or strengthen the connection in our relationship. However, there are times when this just isn’t enough and we find our thoughts strangled, we don’t want to listen to the stories of other people’s heroic successes or take the advice offered. Also, some might just not have that someone who you can feel safe and comfortable to talk to.
Therapist:
In a therapy, conversation often goes deeper than any other conversation outside the therapy because we are the centre of the conversation. A therapist will not use the above strategies; instead, they will explore our experiences with compassion and empathy. A therapist also will guide us in exploring our thought processes, challenge us with our assumptions and values, but being gentle enough to give us the time and space we need until we feel comfortable enough to explore deeper. So, how therapist can help us differently?
See ourselves differently
Discover negative thoughts and behaviours we were unaware of
Develop our self esteem and confidence
Discover options we might not have thought
Change our understanding of the world and how we fit into it
Develop our own coping skills and resilience
Discover resources we didn’t realise we had
We all need our friends and our family. They offer us important parts of living a fulfilled existence. We cannot underestimate the value they bring to our life and that we bring to their life. However, every now and then there is nothing that can replace the open, neutral conversation we can have with our therapist, the conversation that is focused just on us, with no other distraction.
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